What the F*@k, Chuck?

(photo from darkbluedarkblue's flickr)

Remember your first pair of Chucks? It was so hard NOT to doodle on the white toes, they were such a perfect canvas to help pass the time while your 4th grade teacher explained photosynthesis. I noticed today that Chucks were still en vogue with my high schoolers, and the doodle compulsion is reassuringly alive and well.

Looking at all of the shoes made me fondly remember my pink Chuck Taylors that I got for my tenth birthday. They were hot shoes, even if my feet were bigger than all of the boys' feet. And the teacher's. But then I shuddered as I realized that those were not, in fact, my first pair of Chucks. Oh no. I had my first pair when I was six. What? Really? I must have been punk as f*@k from an early age, right? Or maybe my parents were just really cool? Cheap is more like it. And heartless.

You see, I was in the ER every weekend as a youngster. I fell down a lot and broke a couple bones, had a few lacerations, got some stitches every now and then. I was on a first-name basis with the triage nurse. Anyway, when I was six I'd spent all winter in a full-leg cast after I broke my leg while sledding. After I got that cast removed I broke it again in a freak rollerskating accident. So I spent most of the summer in another full-leg cast.

One day I went to the doctor and he fit me with a waterproof brace that made it look like I had a prosthetic leg, so that I could go in the ocean that summer. I loved looking like I had a fake leg for some reason. Then my mom decided that I couldn't walk around with a lone bare foot, so off to Payless we went. And I believe that's when the seeds of a shoe fetish were planted.

At Payless the only shoes that fit over my brace were the black lowcut Chucks.
SIZE 12E MENS. And I was six. And female. I sobbed as the clerk went to put them in a plastic bag. "Oh no, we'll wear one of those out of the store," my mom said. The clerk looked around for Wilt Chamberlain to pop out, and shrugged as she handed one of the monstrosities over. I cried for days, pissed at the world because my lavendar unicorn skirt did not go with my ugly black MEN'S sneaker.