From Jung to Jerkface

*Sung to the tune of Neil Young's "Hank to Hendrix" (Hi, Sue!)


I haven't written anything substantial ever in awhile, and I was waiting for something MAJOR to happen, either good or bad, before I updated.  I wanted to wrap everything up with a ribbon of meaning, but I have nothing.  Sorry.  I get it, we are all sick of Jerkface's cool act.  Don't worry, I'm going on a date with a new guy soon.  In the meantime, let me explain the title and fill you in on the last two weeks.

Two Tuesdays ago, GPG called me from the airport as he was on his way home from his mountain bike vacation.  I guess I am an entertaining way to kill an hour.  He said a lot of unexpected things, which caught me off guard.

GPG: "What are you doing on Thursday?  I will be staying up by you for work stuff, and I wanted to lock in Thursday night before you made a date with another guy."

Me: "Uhmmm."

GPG: "Oh, and I want to do something this weekend, too.  That is if you haven't already made plans with someone else."

Me. "Uhmmm." (Panicking over turn of events, do I reveal that, duh, I'm not a skank, so of course I'm not seeing anyone else?  But what if he is?  Then I will look pathetic.  But what if I leave it up in the air and then that makes him decide to see other people when he really isn't only because he thinks I am?  Why is he asking me out for the weekend?) "Thursday sounds good.  I haven't made plans for the weekend because it's only Tuesday."  (Get nervous.  Change subject to surfing.)

~Ten Minutes pass with lighthearted chit chat.~

GPG: "I mean, I can't go out with you this weekend.  I know that you want to do something on Saturday night, but I just can't promise you that now, and then cancel later and have you get mad at me."

Me: "Uhmmmm."  (Did he not just ask me out for this weekend ten minutes ago?  WTH?)

GPG:  "And I'd like to cook for you, too." 

Me:  "I'm not really into that."

GPG: "But that's like the most intimate thing you can do for someone."

Me: "I'd have more fun eating at a restaurant.  They won't have their feelings hurt because I'm a picky eater."  (I have major food anxieties, and I really hate eating stuff I don't like and pretending to like it, and then the cook is personally insulted because they catch me putting shit in my napkin.  I also don't like how "Let me cook a gourmet meal for you" soon turns into "I have a frozen pizza and some gross cheap beer. Let's stay in and watch the game instead of going out."  Not to mention, some people view cooking for their favorite meal for you in the way that I judge people based on whether or not they love my favorite songs.)  "I'm not much of a homebody, and would prefer an actual date where we go out."

GPG: "Sounds good, let me know when you're taking me out."

Me: "Touché.  You know what I mean.  I'm down with having a snugglefest at some point, but would rather go out."

GPG: "Okay, so we will have a snugglefest soon.  And you will love my cooking."

Me: "I am not into tacos made with the gray meat-type substance you have in your fridge.  And I don't like balogna sandwiches, either."

GPG changes subject to how he hung out all day with his brother's girlfriend and how cool it is to hang out with someone that he gets along so well with.  I wonder if he is in love with her.  Why else would he bring that up?  Unless he is trying to say that he would like to have a girlfriend soon?  Or that he just wants to be friends? We agree to hang out on Thursday and hang up.

Now of course I wanted to run to my blog and tell everyone about this turn of events, but then the realist in me took over, and I told myself to wait, b/c knowing him, he would flake on Thursday and weekend plans.  He texts me a dorky picture on Wednesday and I wrote something mushy in return.  Don't hear from him to confirm plans, so I went to see a movie with SeaPony on Thursday instead.  GPG texts me at 9:30 that night to tell me that he just got home from work and is up by me, but has a roommate at his hotel, but would still like to see me.  I ignore.  Then I get a text from a number that I don't recognize saying that someone was at a wine bar in TX and thought of me because of a song they heard.  (No, I'm not telling you the band b/c it is a band that is a guilty pleasure and I have to keep my indie cred intact.)  GPG calls at 10, asking where I am and telling me to head over to hang out with him and his work friends, and that he is sorry that he misunderstood the arrangements and actually has a roommate in his suite.

Now, seriously, WHAT THE EFF?  No call from him to confirm, and then he thinks I'm going to drop everything to go hang out with him and a bunch of corporate dickheads at 9:30 at night?  NO.  I decide to ignore him until Saturday.  (I mean, at some point he has to understand that I will not tolerate this bullshit.   At some point he must realize that he can't live without me.  And then I will promptly lose interest.)  I begin to wonder why he even called.  I mean, it wasn't even a booty call since he had a roommate.  Are we transitioning to the friend zone?  I decide to get drunk and make out with someone to get my mind off of GPG.  But then I drank a beer and got tired and went home instead.

I wake up the next morning and remember the mystery text and set about finding out who it was.  When I go to open my email, my word of the day is "synchronicity," which makes me laugh because I have a feeling that I know who wrote the mystery text, and this word reminds me of him.  The text is from a guy from college who totes "got me" and my taste in music.  And I loved talking to him about how everything needed to have some deep meaning because that is what emo college freshmen do.  But the thing you have to watch out for when you're known as someone who looks for meaning constantly, is that sometimes when you do things that have no meaning, people assume the opposite.

[Uhm, so okay, I had such a crush on this guy.  And duh, we both were the type who loved J.D. Salinger.  So for his birthday I gave him a copy of Franny and Zooey because he already had Salinger's other books.  No biggie, right?  I know I inscribed something, but can't remember what.  I know it wasn't anything mushy, though.  Anyway, I give him the book and he freaks out b/c he thinks that I am saying that he is Zooey and I am Franny and we are in love, which is totally bizarre because they are brother and sister!  And Franny is crazy.  I swear I just thought it would be nice for him to complete his Salinger collection, there was no secret meaning!!!]  He stops calling me, hooks up with my roommate, end of that story/friendship.  But since we are adults now, we kind of haven't mentioned ALL THAT and are back to talking, being careful to avoid any topics with meaning.

So of course the whole GPG/TX Text is so an example of "the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated occurring together in a meaningful manner."  Because the TX Text was pretty random, considering I haven't heard from that guy in a long time, especially considering that the text came while GPG was pulling his usual crap.  Was this a reminder not to like standoffish guys because they will only crush my soul?  Or was it saying not to think about things too much?  I mean, my email word of the day picked a pretty significant word.  I think?  And THEN I got an email in response to my Chantilly Lace post stating that the song's second verse was probably the best second verse ever written in the history of music.  So of course that equals insta-crush on the emailer.  Except he lives where GPG just vacationed.  And GPG likes good music, but he doesn't "get it" the way I would like him to.  What does it all mean?  Of course, the whole point is that it means nothing, we just like to assign significance to random events in order to briefly escape our own personal hell that we're all living.

So I call GPG that Saturday.  I had gone to a party the night before and couldn't wait to tell him about all the fun he was missing by flaking on me.  I said that I was about to go to some random "restaurant" that he likes, and he responds with "I'm sorry, I can't go - don't feel like driving all the way up there for breakfast."  Uhm, what?  I told him that I wasn't inviting him and that he must be mentally unstable.  He laughs.  Conversation doesn't go well after that.  He doesn't even bring up Thursday night!  We ignore each other the rest of the weekend.  He texts me on Monday morning.  I ignore until Monday night.  He wants to do something during the week.  I text back that Thurs or Fri work for me.  Don't hear from him.  Get mad.  Text on Wed night asking if we are still on.  He replies that his career is killing him and that Thursday sounds good and to dress comfortably.  I assume he is going to cook dinner and that we are staying in for a snugglefest.

Alright, I have to go work on some other stuff,  but I wanted to the stage for our date first.  Check back soon.