No Soup for You

A lot has been going on.  Well, not really.  It just seems that way because I don't have a job and spend all day obsessing over that fact.  And maybe I spend way too much time analyzing every little exchange with GPG.  Before I get to that, let me catch you up on some other things...

When is it gold digging?
I am having issues with getting guys to put in effort while not looking like I'm using them to pay for stuff.  And I spent all of college withholding sex, so it's not like I haven't tried that option, either.  I am super paranoid b/c I paid for everything with the ex.  Everything.  Lame.  Not doing that again.  I don't mind paying for some stuff, and yet I can't help but think guys keep track of their expenses to monitor the return they're getting on their investment. 

Hardy har har!

In other words, I paid for a date that I didn't want to go on, with a guy I didn't want to be with.  Why did I do this?  Not sure.  So-So Nice Guy mentioned that he was short on cash and wanted to know if we could do something other than go to dinner.  I knew what he was getting at.  So two weekends ago, we went to a movie because he said that's all he could afford.  I could take the hint/bait, so I bought the tickets and then spent the next two hours pretending not to notice that he kept staring at me and trying to touch me.  I felt like I was back in 8th grade.  I was pretty bored the whole time.  And then I told him I was super tired and couldn't invite him in for any making out.  Whatever.  Obvi, I need to tell him I just want to be friends.  But I don't want to do that because I am hoping that at one point he will say something funny and then I will like him.

I still haven't figured out the whole issue of being self-sufficient and independent without coming across as cold and unappreciative.  But I am aware of this issue, and I'm working on tackling the whole Modern Woman paradox, because I really don't have many female friends my age who have both a fabulous career and children.  I mean, I grew up with Barbie going corporate.  Day to Night Barbie was a huge influence on me - I knew I wanted those wingtip heels and a career when I grew up.  And she also had an apartment with a Murphy bed on one side, and an awesome office on the other.

Check out her shoes! (Her skirt was reversible, in case you couldn't tell.)

Okay, enough of this, but it will come up later with GPG.

Awkward Moment of the Week

Last Monday was foggy and cold and rainy and it made me want to jump off a cliff.  I thought buying some healthy food would make me feel better.  As I'm scoping out the raspberries in the produce aisle, this bald, overweight, middle-aged grocery store employee decides to hit on me.  In front of 10 customers.  He asked me how I was dealing with the gross weather.  I said I wished I were somewhere sunny with a pool to swim in.  I was being honest, since pools and bikinis are always lurking somewhere in the "depths" of my mind.  (I can also blame Barbie for this one.  Maybe I would be a different person today if my mom hadn't bought Sun Gold Malibu Barbie and the Bubbling Spa for me when I broke my leg for the second time.)  Then I realized he might think I was flirting back, so I went back to wrecking the raspberry display. He invited me over to swim in his pool.  I didn't think he was serious.  Then he starts giving me his address.  And did I know that his development has three pools that were all heated?  I grabbed two cartons of raspberries and got the hell out of there.  Soooo creepy.  Why couldn't he have been hot?



Granny Panties Guy
Okay, I'm starting to get antsy to go surf, but I wanted to get my GPG update finished first.  Just to recap, I had decided to go Full Pervert, and was succeeding at getting things back to being fun.  And then the progress was stymied b/c Jerkface got the flu last weekend.  Again.  Now, being throw-up sick is the worst feeling ever.  And he was also throw-up sick three months ago.  And I guess he was sick from Thurs-Monday.  So I left him alone.  And then since last Monday was so cold and dark, it made me crazy and needy.  So I texted him at 5 that I was eating some soup and would save some for him if he were still sick.  He was incredulous that I could cook.  So I lied and said that of course I had made the soup, and that cooking was a talent that I kept hidden from most people.  He was impressed.  I made a mental note to learn how to cook squash soup.  We texted for about two hours.  Then nothing on Tuesday and Wednesday.  But I figured he was busy with work since he missed a few days. 




Here's Your Soup!


On Thursday I decided it was time to either move things forward, or end them once and for all.  I threw down the ace I had up my sleeve.  Which was texting him pics of my Chargers-themed bikini photo shoot.  (My roommate's dog thinks I am so weird.)  Anyway, the pics were super cute and Jerkface was very happy that I'd jumped on the football bandwagon.  But just as things were getting good, he had to go to a meeting.  Momentum killed, once again.  Yes, I am sympathetic that he has to work, but I also need the attention.  So I went to grab a bite to eat with one of my girlfriends.  I told her that I was thinking of inviting Jerkface over since my roommate was going to be home late.  But I also knew that he would say no because he was too tired.  She said that I might as well invite him and that would move things along in some kind of direction. 

I steeled myself for his lame "I'm still sick and need to go to bed, but I would like to see you soon" text and got it.  I decided not to respond while I was feeling emo and rejected.  But I knew that was the end of things.  If you are sick, and you like someone, you go to see them.  And at this point, I'd done everything I could.  I had asked if he were seeing anyone.  I had been demanding.  I had gone Full Pervert.  I had ignored and been detached.  I had shown interest and pretended to cook for him.  I had talked about feelings a little bit, which is a lot for me.  All that was left was to clear my conscience about the gold digging issue.  First, I sent him an upbeat, sexy response to his rejection text.  That way, when he looks back, he will see that I was fun and hot, not pouty and whiney.  Next, I sent him an email explaining why I got grumpy when we stayed in those two nights.  I told him that I was digging for effort, not gold.  For some reason, it was just really important that things didn't end with him thinking I was just another cold, treacherous woman who was only using him for free dinners.  I told him not to worry about writing me back.

And he didn't.  I was pretty sad the next day.  But I feel like I handled things as an adult, and honestly, this feelings stuff is really just an awesome way to absolve you from any of the blame when things don't work out with someone!  Feelings are my new thing.  It is just hard to have them for 99% of the guys that I meet.

Rebound with Sexty McSexterson

Deciding to make the most of my weekend, I'm sure my readers will be happy to know that I spent Saturday night drunkenly making out up against a palm tree infront of a very busy Taco Bell, and up against my car while a bunch of bro-brahs from a house party looked on.  This was with Sexty McSexterson, the visionary who introduced me to sexting about a year ago.  At one point, last winter, I had pictured us playing volleyball together, and then going night swimming in the Pacific (which would also be 85 degrees), followed by me licking guacamole off of his hip flexors (avocados make me think of CA).  But then I noticed that he was hooking up with a lot of girls from his facebook.  And since I was living in FL, it's not like I could get mad.  But some of them were skanks and it is hard to have feelings for someone that is hooking up with skanks. But he is fun and cute and was a welcome distraction from the Jerkface failure.