Dramazon's Birthday Week

From CakeCentral.com

I knew the weekend had passed because I didn't hear from GPG for three days.  Even after he said he could do the Saturday night dates.  But Tuesday brings a shower of attention from Jerkface.  He kept calling and texting, even reminding me that my birthday was on Wednesday.  After his fifth call of the day, he revealed that he would like to take me out to a birthday dinner, but had a client dinner on Wednesday, so could I do it tonight (Tuesday)?  Now, I know I had promised my readers that I wouldn't accept anything less than a Friday or Saturday night dressy dinner date, but I couldn't help that 1) I like to milk my bday for all it's worth, and 2) I had a lame mid-week bday.  And in my defense, I had also emailed him that on our next date we would not be having sexy times. (Mostly because I was pissed about the past few weeks, but also because he was physically incapable of performing.  I reasoned that since there would be no sexy times, it meant he actually wanted to put forth some effort and hang out with me because he liked me and not the sexy times.)

I told him that he'd have to come up here.  He said that was fine, and would I mind going kind of early since he was still not 100% after impaling himself?  I said sure and tried to prepare myself for the inevitable letdown.  But I would not be let down without a fight.  I deliberately refrained from warning him that my dog will attack anyone who comes through our gate unescorted - partly because I wanted him to get eaten alive and partly because I wanted to see if my dog would actually like him.  I put on a hot dress and heels.  Then I noticed it was freezing and had to switch to a sweater and jeans.  The dropping temp also meant that my roommate closed the front door so my dog couldn't run out and attack GPG on sight. 

This was actually better, because the fact that my dog couldn't see the scary burglar worked her up into quite a frenzy.  GPG asked if he were about to be eaten from outside my door.  I opened the door so that my dog could attack him, but the damn traitor was instantly wooed.  I followed suit because Jerkface actually brought me flowers.  I know, right?  I mean, he is all about letting me know he will not put forth any effort.  Ever.  And it wasn't the cheapest bouquet that the grocery store had, either.  I was torn between giving positive reinforcement and not reacting so he'd know that a bouquet is a generic, empty gesture.  But it was my birthday, so I proceeded to coo effusively over the flowers.  And then I had to compete with my damn dog, who was sashaying around and showing him all of her favorite toys, like a pathetic, needy, attention whore. Shameless, really.  At least my roommate maintained her icy, awkward demeanor the entire time.

Jerkface says we can go wherever I want for my birthday dinner, so I request the chocolate chip bread pudding place.  We go and have a great time.  I'm not sure what his deal is, but when I told him how my friend had wanted to come get bread pudding but I forbade her lest he think I was trying to trap him into meeting my friends, he is just so darn hurt that I have such an unfavorable opinion of him.  Of course he would love to meet my friends!  And when talking about my fruitless job hunt, he tells me to apply for jobs at his company.  Yeah right, I snort, as if!  Again, he's taken aback by my assumption that he would think I was stalking him if I applied to work at his company.  Maybe he was on meds?

Regardless of his oddly open demeanor, it's nice to just relax and be my feisty, dorky self around someone.  And he takes entertaining me pretty seriously.   Which I love.  Like everyone, he is skeptical about the chocolate chip bread pudding, but he has to admit it's amazing.  After about three hours I am aware I have hearts shooting out of my eyes like a cartoon character. I look like Pepé le Pew.  I try to cover it up, but he sees.

There is some messed up stuff going on here!

The next day he calls to sing me happy birthday.  The day itself is pretty lame because I have to go to the doctor because my face and neck are numb a lot, and it's been a year since my last car accident.  Jerkface even calls to see how the doc visit went.  And then he texts me later to make sure I am going out for my birthday.  That's nice, right?  My girlfriends took me out for more chocolate chip bread pudding!!!  It was fun and I'm pretty thankful I have such awesome friends who help cushion the blow of eventually dying alone. 

And if you're looking for gifts that will scar your four-year-old daughter for life, why not get her a deck of Old Maid cards?  I'm sure she'll turn out just fine.

Jerkface is on a roll and texts me again on Thursday to see if I had a good time on my bday.  We text all day.  And then nothing on Friday.  So I text him.  No response.  Saturday brings lots of blog fodder, but no GPG texts.