Friday was fun because my friend had a big birthday party. Sure, it was for her birthday, not mine, but I can pretend. And then on Saturday, my friend from high school invited me to go hiking with her. So pretty! Then we decided to ride our bikes to do some outside birthday day drinking. I wasn't sure what clothes to bring, so I brought a few pairs of jean shorts. My friend borrowed the longer pair and I put on the obscenely short (it's okay b/c they're really baggy) ones. We walked into the bar and noticed a bunch of shaved, shirtless meatheads who were also in denim shorts. We secure a table and begin ignoring the weirdos that start hitting on us.
Turns out the guys were Marines, which was great, because my birthday is on the day the Marines were founded. And I can support the troops if they are shirtless. Two of them come talk to us, and my friend takes great pleasure in busting their balls. There is this ugly goth girl who is with them, and we surmise it must be solely for BJ purposes. She didn't exactly fit in with a bunch of meatheads. UnHot Topic waits until we get our food to come ask if she can use the ashtray on our table. Now, I'm not sure what happened next, but I think she tried to smoke at our table while we were eating. I mean, they didn't have a table, so I don't know why she would want just our ashtray when there were empty ones closer to where she was standing. Whatever, I am too busy picking out the tomatoes on my chicken nachos to pay much attention. My friend, Ball Buster, tells UnHot Topic she can't smoke by us while we're eating. UnHot Topic storms off. Roidy Daisy Duke Marine comes over and haughtily snatches up the ashtray and turns on his heels in a way that betrays his self-hating closet case status. He goes back to flexing for his bros.
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| Don't get all offended if you're a homophobe. This is hot. And patriotic. And a poignant symbol of American freedom. |
Roidy Daisy Duke Marine walks past us as he's leaving. And he dumps a full beer on my friend's food. Which gets all over my nachos and jean shorts. UnHot Topic laughs and runs off with Roidy Daisy Duke Marine. Ball Buster jumps up and starts shouting obscenities at the girl. I'm kind of in shock, as I'm not really one to get in bar fights. Or any sort of loud verbal exchanges. But I make sure that UnHot Topic and the Roidy Daisy Duke Marine are unable to touch my friend. The bouncers kick the Marines out and try to placate us. Ball Buster would not be placated, and I think she is hurt that I didn't jump over the railing and grab UnHot Topic by her greasy Manic Panic hair and give her a sound beating. Ball Buster wants to leave and I offer to follow them to settle the score. And I also wanted to check out the bars in that direction. She wisely decides that it's not worth it, and we head in the opposite direction. We go to another bar and Ball Buster sees some friends. They are nice and I think I might have found some new volleyball partners. (This detail is important for my next entry.)
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